Coming back to Reality
Cone of Sand
My first memory is of an ideal cone of sand!
It was on the road in a small town called Blenheim, in New Zealand. My mother always claimed I was 10 months old when this happened, which would have made it August 1944. I remember I could walk, but not yet speak. Although the age may be wishful thinking, it was still remarkable and unusual for a first memory. My mother and a neighbour were talking alongside the sand, outside our house.
... I became intensely aware of the conical form of the sand, and its ideal almost mathematical form. It seemed to me that it would be wonderful to walk up the side and balance on top, and it seemed I would be able to stick to the surface, so I began to walk up, and in my first bruising encounter with physical realities, found the sand gave under my feet, rather than remaining the solid surface of my imaginings. This wrecked the ideal conical shape. At this point I heard my first remembered words, “Neil, come down off there!” I didn’t have words yet to reply. Life has been rather like that ever since! Called down from the abstract ideal to something more earthed.
By this I mean that I am very attracted – too much attracted – to the abstract ideal. Reality is partly ideal, but often quite messy. Most of us interested in the ideal get trapped in it, because it seems so beautiful, perhaps so elegant, symmetrical, or able to explain so much. We think that all reality must conform to this abstract vision. Including God!
Many of the little pieces on this website will say that someone calls us down from our high horse to the truth, which is not impersonal, or even beautiful principles, but is himself a person.